Somewhere in the world there must be a school where managers study apology avoidance. It is easy to imagine that perpetrator-like managers have already built an impressive array of personal apology avoidance habits and language. Here are four of the most popular strategies for avoiding apology. You’ll recognize each one by the language perpetrators use. I always mention these as soon as the subject, or argument, about apology arises. This tends to shorten the discussion because I have already vocalized just about all the excuses used to avoid something most people were taught by their mothers to do promptly . . . or else. Those who ignore their mom’s advice deserve what they get.

World’s Biggest Liar by Alan Cleaver, flickr, cc license

Strategy 1. Self-forgiveness:

• “It’s an industry problem; we are not the only ones.”
• “This isn’t the first time this has happened, and it won’t be the last time.”
• “Let’s not blow this out of proportion.”
• “We couldn’t have known.”
• “It’s not systemic.”
• “Don’t our good deeds count for anything?”

Strategy 2. Self-talk:

• “It’s an isolated incident.”
• “It couldn’t have been done by our people.”
• “Not many were involved.”
• “If we don’t do it, someone else will.”
• “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

 Strategy 3. Self-delusion:

• “It’s not our fault.”
• “It’s not our problem.”
• “We can’t be responsible for everything.”
• “It won’t happen again.”
• “It was only one death, in one place, at one time. Why is everyone so angry?”
• “Life can’t exist without risk.”

Strategy 4. Lying:

• “I don’t know.”
• “We’ve never done that.”
• “It hasn’t happened before.”
• “It can’t happen again.”
• “We won’t give up without a fight.”
• “I’m not a crook.”
• “I did not have sex with that woman.”

Share these lists with every executive, so they know all of these excuses are off limits. Don’t worry; the urge for avoidance is so strong they will begin thinking of new ones immediately. As you hear the new avoidance language, build another list and circulate it immediately to executives to re-inoculate them against apology avoidance.

James E. Lukaszewski, ABC, Fellow IABC; APR, Fellow PRSA, BEPS Emeritus

If you have questions, or would like to dive more deeply into the subject of this blog, you can reach me 24/7 at jel@e911.com; 203-948-7029 (voicemail, email, text). I look forward, as a friend and colleague, to helping you achieve the objectives you’ve set for yourself for having a happier, more influential, successful and meaningful career.

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